A thought has been festering the back of my mind since Christmas . . . it has plagued me for a while and I can't seem to shake the feeling . . . I miss home. Three words I knew I'd come across during my time here, but not a feeling that I thought would grow so much that I would consider cutting my time here right in half. I came out with so much pomp and enthusiasm to spend an entire year out here, working, travelling and having a good time. I was casting aside the things that annoyed me about home, but not understanding fully how I would do away from a place I have invested so much of my life in. The thing is I already made one pretty fatal error, I came out on my own, it's a pretty isolated experience travelling an entire country mostly on your own, on just your own ideas, not having someone to talk about home with. Sometimes it worked out pretty well once I started living out of hostels rather than my car, but with no one to share the load, I did feel at times a Frodo who needed a Sam. I got around most of country before I settled in Queenstown, the place I believed I could spend pretty much all of my time in. A new start in the adventure capitol of the world.
It's been a rocky road to where I am now, and I'm still not content with my lot. My job took forever to actually get started, and the house I decided to live in was to be a temporary fix until something better came along. My job has been offering up pretty weak hours, although every effort is being made to give me as many extra shifts as possible and I've taken every opportunity. I enjoy working at Dick Smith and it's not a hard job, which is where lies the problem, it's too much like working at HMV or any random retail job for that matter. But then you look for other work around here and the pickings are now very slim, and everything is geared towards experienced hospitality workers. My room mate JB moves out on the 20th which was to leave me with option to either move to a much smaller three share room in the house or find a new place. I have decided to move out, I am sick of this house, I don't dislike anyone here, there are just too many people in the house and some peoples sense of adventure is rather stunted. Not only that I suffer from dust mite allergies and this house particularly our room, has a bit of a problem with them, I wake every morning with blood shot eyes and a runny nose.
My plan is to drive to Dunedin and spend some time there, a lot of folk have said it's a much better place to be for someone who loves live music, plus it's bigger than Qtown. Coming half way across the world and settling in a smaller town than Carlisle I've realised I need bigger. I have a friend to stay with for a bit and hopefully I can find some temporary work. I'll rent a place there for a while or try wwoofing in a hostel and try selling my car. Fingers crossed I can sell the car for more than the price of a ticket home and then I'll book my flight. The plan would be to fly to Wellington after I'm done with Dunedin, and work my way up the north island re-visiting all my cousins up there, and finally fly out of Auckland. Not sure when I'll fly out but I'll investigate when the cheapest time to fly is, but more than likely once the summer dies I will be heading back to blighty.
It's hard to explain to anyone back at home why I want to leave this amazing place in exchange for the weather and woes of home. But I think to appreciate what you have at home, you have to leave it behind for a while. Sure I'll get home and nothing will have changed, but that's why I want to go home. My family and friends are still there and the places are the same, my bike is waiting for me in the garage, my guitars are gathering dust on the wall, but I'm coming back with a whole new perspective on what I want. I did something I thought many years ago I would never do, and it's reinforced in me that if you want to do something you just have to go and bloody well do it and quit procrastinating. I love this country, and I can completely see why people want to spend eternity out here, but after four months out here I have no qualms about going back home in a couple of months. I did what I set out to do here and that was to have the time of my life and go home with new experiences and a new sense of purpose.
I can hear the sighs now, don't come home, the weather, the economy . . . blah blah blah. I can't fight the thoughts of home, it makes me sick to my stomach some days, others I don't feel it, but it's always there. You've no idea how good we have it in Britain, we complain about some stupid shit, every place has it's pros and cons, New Zealand on the surface has the better deal, but it's just another country after all.
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